There are times I just want to vent and rant and scream. But I can't.
To clarify, this isn't about my husband. He's one of the few people at whom I rarely want to scream.
Its just to the general world.
I've got a lot of anger. That's a bad thing I know, I really do well holding it in. God helps me just give it over to Him. But man, I used to have it out with my parents. Am I allowed to admit I've made my own, beautiful, sweet mother cry? I feel so badly about it. Honestly, I'm an angry person. I journal it out, and I'm normally fine. And don't worry, I won't grow into a beast and beat you. I've grown out of hitting people. I hate to admit all this. But for some reason, the human need to confess overtook me.
I want to be a peaceful person, and on a whole, I'm chill, but too often, I'm an angry person.
Would you have guessed it?
What is yours? Are you angry? Lonely? If you want, you can catch a firefly with me.
(In the past, if you caught a firefly, you had to share a secret.)
Every have one of those days where you have so much to do, but before any of it can get done, you just need to write?
Today is one of those days. I feel thoughtful.
I slept ridiculously late, which makes me feel bad cause Josh had to be out the door by 8:45. Now 8:45 doesn't sound too bad, until you think about how he puts in 8 hours of work after he gets home from school. So, while we still have the newly wed thing going on, I'm learning that stage in life call "never see each other". When he is finally home at night, we're both normally tired and he has homework to work on. I must say though, I'm so proud of him. He's working so hard and being such a fabulous husband. When you have a great husband, you really wanna be a great wife. Thus, I've been working hard, for me, to not be so dang lazy and get a schedule going. The verse I've been memorizing is:
"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain."
~Proverbs 31:10-11 (ESV)*
I, of course, want to be an excellent wife. Josh has heard me say "oh I'm going to get such and such done." And then I don't do it. I'm home alone 8 hours a day normally and the house is messy. That's dumb. He basically never fusses, but when I asked him if he thought I could do better for two weeks, he said "I know you can. But I don't know you will." And it was the answer I deserved and expected. I want him to be able to trust me.
So for two weeks, I'm putting aside the pressure and stress of looking for a job, and just being a wife. Which is no just. Its something Josh totally supports. When we had a a big heart to heart the other night he said, "I really think it's why you haven't gotten a job." A sort of being faithful in the seemingly small. "I've tried to hint at that for a few weeks. Cause you are great and have been qualified, and yet 4 interviews and no job. Yes, the job market is bad, but it's what I've felt for a while." The most we talked, the more I knew he was right.
So I'm trying to be "content" (but not stagnate) and actually journal and read my bible and have a wonderful, peaceful sanctuary for Josh to come home to. God showed me that if I do that, how much more creative Josh (and I) will feel free to be. And seeing as Josh wants to use his creativity to work, that would quite possibly bring us gain. He also showed me that when I am able to take care of my "little" house here, maybe then I'll be ready for one of my own. :-D I'm actually very excited. Such a burden lifted off of me.
Also, I want to coupon. lol.
Not that I've gotten that out of my system, time to brag on my most wonderful husband.
Josh has been so romantic lately. Some of it I can't tell you, but he has been too incredible for words. Some of it has just been little things such as gently rubbing my neck while I was trying to work out a problem I was having with a school assignment, or pulling me close while watching a movie, or putting his arm around me during church. Now he does that sort of stuff regularly, but on top of how sweet he's been, it was so nice. Some of it, like I said, either for rating or a lack of ability to explain, I can't write. It's just an overall tenderness and gentleness. And as a general rule, Josh is fantastic. So for it to be more so enough that I noticed... Oh! And I had a really painful tendon in my arm the other day and to top it off, my knee was bruised to the bone. I'd mentioned it in text messages, and that night he brought me a pack of heart shaped Reeses. It was so sweet. I asked if when he went in to get the soda, did he just wander around the Valentine's section. He said no. "I saw them the other day when we were wandering around, and tonight when I went in the store, I knew exactly what I was getting you, cause I knew you didn't feel good." Aawwww.
And our "date day", heh, it just makes me do a very happy sigh and smile. Here's the story.
Okay, so this is a quick post, because I have house work to do. (Praise Jesus)
I am alive. I think most of you will be glad to know that. I had a fabulous holiday. I will be blogging more, I'm setting time each day to journal and read my bible and I think I'll throw a blog out at the end of those sessions.
School... is awesome. I was so nervous, but once I've had my first class, I'm fine. I'm thinking Sociology will be my favorite, and Public Speaking the hardest, simply cause of writing the speeches. My teacher in that class is a huge Firefly fan (the show) and is a fan of that director period. She's even written a book about his works. Pretty dang cool.
Melly sent me this fabulous video and I had to share it on here.
Seeing as if you read this on Blogger, you are most likely a blogger, you can probably appreciate this.
So question....
Should I do a vlog?
I have to share this verse about eating meat, since sadly, I'm quite the carnivore. I wish I wasn't, but I am.
Deuteronomy 12:20 (English Standard Version)
20"When the LORD your God enlarges your territory, as he has promised you, and you say, 'I will eat meat,' because you crave meat, you may eat meat whenever you desire.
And I say, Amen and Amen. Sorry to you who are vegetarians. I applaud you for being such, I just am not one of you.
Oh, sad news, Obama is planning to reverse the abortion ban. How can we be a nation of freedom and yet kill our children. Something very messed up about that.
